January Reflection & Looking Ahead to February

Where I Am: As I type this post, I am sitting in the little office/workout room in the basement of my house. I’m about to test out my new podcasting microphone, and my pretty amazing husband has supplied me with a glass of wine and a piece of pizza for company. The baby is taking an early-evening nap, and my spirits are good; we had some sunshine this afternoon, and tomorrow is Friday! Peter is 10 months old today, which is so hard to believe! I think his first year has been one of the fastest of my own life. Outside, the ground is still locked beneath snow and ice, but as my mom reminded me the other day, February is the last FULL month of winter. Plus, I’m thinking a lot more about the purpose of winter this year–this forced slowing down–and how it, too, can be life-giving. It’s a challenge to force myself to rest, but sometimes I think that’s what winter is for: to urge us to go more slowly. 

This post is inspired by some of the monthly updates that one of my favorite podcasters and bloggers creates over on her own podcast and blog: Kelsey over at The Rising Shining blog and podcast. Listening to her most recent post reflecting on January and looking ahead to February made me want to write my own such post–this might not be the most riveting material, but one my blog goals this year is to simply write about the things I feel like writing about–no matter how ‘mundane’ or ‘profound’ (subjective words anyway). Another thing I’d like this blog to do is to become a record of my current life, so that when I read back, I’ll be reminded of this season of my life, which has certainly been one of the most beautiful but also the most challenging. 

So without further ado, here’s my reflection on January and a look ahead to February. 

January Shadows 

-Weather. I know I’m not alone when I say that the winter in Montana this year has been LONG. We got a big snow right at the beginning of November, and since then, it’s been three months of melting, then ice, then more snow, then more melting–you get the picture. It’s also been a pretty overcast winter, which is somewhat unusual for the town where I live. Typically, I feel like we have more sunny days. I am amazed at how a day of blue skies and sunshine impacts my mood. Icy streets have also made it a challenge to get out for regular walks with my 10-month-old. So while there’s not much I can do about it, the weather has certainly had a negative impact on my mood these past few months. 

-Work/Mom Life Balance. Currently, I am working part-time as a school librarian and am home part-time with Peter. I work 3-4 hours each day. Jonathan and I have been incredibly blessed with the gift of grandparents willing and eager to help take care of Peter while I am at work, which makes leaving him at home each day so much easier for me. Still, I have struggled a lot this year trying to maintain both a professional life and a mom-life. I am new to the school where I am working, and I recognize that this is probably part of my struggle–even with several years of teaching experience under my belt, beginning at a new school is a little like that first year of teaching all over again. Plus, it’s true what they say about part-time work: It’s often not really ‘part-time’. The hours might be part-time, but the scramble I feel to fit in all of my work each day and the anxiety I carry home with me about what needs to be done feels way more than part-time. Another thing that has been hard for me about my current librarian job is that while I recognize how important the work is, at my core I am an English teacher, and I miss teaching pretty much every day. Struggling at work has also made me struggle with that familiar enemy, ‘mom-guilt’. When I am anxious about my work, it bleeds into my time with Peter, making me feel like I’m not the calm, present mom I’d like to be. 

-Starting strong with goals, then wanting to ‘burn it all down’. I am someone who loves the energy of a new year. In the week between Christmas and New Years, I love to spend time journaling about new goals or habits I’d like to cultivate in the new year. While there are positives to this kind of energy, it can also be a little dangerous: By the time a rather bleak January is drawing to a close, I find my motivation and interest waning and my list of goals begins to overwhelm rather than inspire me. I know I am not alone in this. I hit a pretty big ‘burn it all down’ wall at the end of January, and tossed out some of the goals I’d declared back at the end of December. I don’t necessarily think, though, that a ‘burn-it-down’ moment is totally terrible: Sometimes it can be a clarifying force, helping me to choose more carefully the goals that will truly feed my spirit, rather than those that I think I ‘should’ do because someone else is doing them. Also, often on the other side of that rebellious burning is a restart button, and we must be gentle with ourselves when beginning again. As the author Emily P. Freeman once wrote, ‘no one has ever been shamed into freedom.’ 

January Light 

-American Royals Series. One thing that has been very life-giving about these early weeks of 2023 is that I am on a great reading kick! My sister Sally introduced me to the American Royals series last year, and I finally picked up the first book at the beginning of January. I am currently in the middle of the second book, and for me, these books are compulsively readable. It feels a little bit like reading a book version of your favorite teen soap opera, only with royalty reminiscent of the whole Harry-Meghan-Kate-William drama. I’m looking forward to reading the third book in the series, and just discovered that a fourth installment is being released in August of this year. It’s always a wonderful feeling when I have a book I’m looking forward to reading, and that was definitely a bright spot of January. 

-Creative Date with Sally & Wine date with Mom and Sally. Also in January, I was able to schedule two ‘dates’ out with people I love. I got together with my mom and my younger sister, Sally, to just catch up on how our lives and our spirits are doing, and Sally and I met for what I hope will be the first of many ‘Creative Dates’--time where we can talk about our writing projects, goals, and struggles, or even spend some time working on those creative pursuits. My soul was very nourished when I got home from this first Creative Date, and I felt encouraged to keep plugging away with my writing and podcasting adventures. 

-Learning a new piece on the piano. One of my 2023 ‘to-dos’ is to learn one new piece on the piano really well. Just one. (I mean, hopefully I’ll learn more than just one, but tiny goals are helping me maintain some grasp on forward momentum these days.) The piece I’m learning is the Beethoven Sonatina No. 1 in G Major. I try to play it at least once a day, usually in the evening as we are winding down the day and getting Peter ready for bed. 

Looking Ahead to February 

-Tiny Goals with my writing. As mentioned above, I have really been embracing the concept of ‘tiny goals’ over the last few months. In terms of my writing, my goal is to write 500 words each week on the novel I’m currently editing/drafting, and to compose at least one more blog post this month and record one new podcast episode. I was able to complete all three of these goals in January. 

-February 19th. February 19th will be the anniversary of the day that Jonathan and I got the call that we had been chosen for a possible adoption by Peter’s birth mom. It has been a beautiful, whirlwind year since that day almost one year ago, and I like the idea of honoring the 19th each year as the day that Peter was born in our hearts. 

-Getting outside with Peter. Even with ice on the ground, I’m going to make more of an effort to get outside with Peter for regular walks during the afternoons. We’ve got a good stroller and there are plenty of clear sidewalks and walking paths we can go to. I think more time outside will be good for us both. 

-Playing the piano. Playing the piano is definitely something that brings me joy. I don’t feel a lot of pressure to share my playing or be amazing in some way. It’s a hobby that I do just because I feel like I’m in the flow when I’m playing. I’ve also been curious to note how playing the piano challenges me to be more courageous–I tend to play better when I am less nervous about making a mistake. Perhaps there is a life lesson buried somewhere in those notes. 

Over to you! What were some highs and lows of January? What are you looking forward to in February? Leave a comment below, or send me an email at fridayjoyblog@gmail.com. I’d love to hear from you! 

Thanks, as always, for reading. 

Beth