Nudges, Arrows, and Great Big Signs

For much of my life, I have longed for God to give me Great Big Signs about what I should or shouldn’t do when it comes to decision making. I felt like if I prayed enough, or in the “right” way, I would be delivered a message that would provide the clarity I so desperately sought.

Have I always been this way? Probably, but I think this desire grew in intensity in my 30s because once, at about the age of 29, I believe God did send me a Great Big Sign when He told me to say yes to a date with the man who would become my now husband.

To make a long story short, I had been dating guys in my 20s who were perfectly fine, even mostly good and honest, people, but who were simply not right for me. When I met my husband, Jonathan, I was attracted but also a little put-off by how genuinely kind and interested he was in me. Surely there was some sort of catch, my familiar insecurity told me. But there wasn’t. He was, to be trite but true, The One. And walking home from class one warm May evening in 2013, not long after I’d met Jonathan, I felt with utter clarity God reach down, tap me lightly on the head, and say: “Yes.”

Did I have moments of doubt? Of course. When Jonathan suggested, just one month after we’d started dating, that we move in together, did I go back and forth with my answer half a dozen times? Absolutely. But I didn’t forget that moment of clarity when I’d heard God speaking, and I was somehow able to push through my fear and trust what had been offered: A kind of love I had not known could exist for me.

Anyway. This is not supposed to be a sappy love story post. This is supposed to be a post about the power of specific language, and how with a simple word change, you might, like me, find yourself suddenly freed from a belief that what you’re waiting for is a Great Big Sign when it comes to the decision you’re weighing. After all, that May evening over ten years ago was, for me, the only time I’ve ever received such a clear order from the universe, so I am beginning to think that those missives only come around once or twice in a lifetime. Who knows why this is? Maybe occasionally, God just looks at us and thinks, “this goofball really doesn’t get it. I’ve got to do something drastic.” And the rest of the time, He knows we’ve got to bumble our way through until we can learn the message slowly—that “living into the answers,” as Rilke puts it.

Maybe most of the time, I’m beginning to think, God speaks in nudges, not GBSs (Great Big Signs).

Something about that word “nudge” feels just right to me. Emily P. Freeman, a spiritual writer I admire, calls these nudges “arrows,” yet even that word doesn’t quite resonate with me. I still feel pressure to recognize the arrows, and worry I am getting it wrong, thinking that something was an arrow when it isn’t, or vice versa.

But I know what a nudge feels like. From God, from my spirit, from life. I know when something catches my attention, my curiosity, my excitement. I know what it feels like to long for something. And when the nudges don’t go away? When the longing never truly leaves you? Maybe that adds up, over time, to a Great Big Sign.

Is it scary to follow a nudge? For sure. Even small choices can make life suddenly more complicated. But they can also make life suddenly a lot clearer: Here is the new road; now, let’s walk it.

So I invite you to ask yourself: What nudges have you felt recently? What nudges did you follow in the past that led you to good places? We all have followed nudges that perhaps led us to hard places, but I’ll wear my Pollyanna hat and suggest that if you follow the trail, those hard places also led you to better places. I know mine did, and I’m going to choose to believe that my current missteps are doing the same thing: Nudging me forward to something right and better, even if I can’t imagine it yet.

Nudges are small and they are like bricks: they are building something.

Filling out that application.

Sending off that manuscript.

Saying yes to that invitation.

Calling the friend.

Checking out the book.

Requesting more information.

Writing the blog.

Quitting.

Staying.

It’s all guiding you. And it’s still guidance even if it’s not big or flashy.

Thanks for reading.

Beth

Acts, Unplugging, and Getting Outside: November Goals & Joys

The longer I keep this little blog of mine, the more I appreciate how it’s a time capsule of my life over the years. There are gaps of course, but I like how I can trace certain seasons of my life by going back to see what I was writing about and sharing. So, even if no one reads these words but me, I’m glad they exist. Ultimately, we must create things for ourselves, first. (File that under Lessons I’m Still Learning.)

What will I notice when I look back at today’s post? Here’s a snapshot of life at this time, as written in list form and captured through the goals and joys of November.

Goals:

1. Work through one book in the New Testament. I’ve decided to read back through Acts this month in a slightly new way. First, I’m allowing myself to listen to it through the Bible app. In the past, I’ve been too strict with myself about feeling like I must sit down and read my physical Bible. While this is my preferred way to read most things, realistically, I just don’t have the time these days for lots of quiet, sit down, focused reading. I can listen to a chapter or two on the Bible app while I make my morning coffee, then I’ve just been jotting down a few notes in a specific notebook—words or messages that stood out to me, quick recaps of what’s happening. It’s been a nice way to experience some Bible reading time—holding the practice more loosely makes it less daunting.

2. Learn one new piano piece really well. Is it too soon to begin practicing Christmas music? I think not, but right now I’m also working on a really simple version of “Puff the Magic Dragon.” Playing music is something that absolutely helps me reconnect with something essential in myself—I don’t have a ton of time these days to play, but when I do, I always feel better.

3. Get outside with Peter a lot. Peter, my 2.5 year old, LOVES going outside. Our house has a covered patio out the back door, and he loves going out and riding around on his tricycle, strider, or in his little play car. We’ve had fun this month putting up Christmas lights together (and replacing burnt-out bulbs—with which he was completely obsessed), raking leaves (and for Peter, riding through them on his strider), and playing in the first snow. I always feel better getting some fresh air, but I forget this too often. What’s that saying, “there’s no bad weather, only bad clothing”? I’m beginning to see the truth in that. So I’m going to pull out my warmest coat, my hat and gloves, and delight in the chilly November air as much as my son does.

4. Finish two books—The Unplugged Hours and The Rom-Comers. The Unplugged Hours, by Hannah Brencher, is a beautiful collection of stories and thoughts on the power of turning off our phones and reconnecting with the life right in front of us. I’ve listened to this one, but I’d love to own a hard copy because there have been several passages I’d love to underline and return to again and again. The Rom-Comers, by Katherine Center, was a fun read for a new book club I’ve joined with my sister! I can’t say I’d 100% recommend it—it kind of lost me at the end—but it was well-written, and I particularly enjoyed the Author’s Note at the end which was a love-letter to the romance genre in general.

Joys:

1. Slowly putting up Christmas decorations early. I know that “early” is something of a subjective term when it comes to this topic. Some people roll their eyes at the idea of decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving. Over the years, though, I’ve discovered that slowly putting up my Christmas decorations in November brings me a lot of quiet joy. I heard a teenager say the other day, “don’t yuck my yum” when it came to starting Christmas festivities “early”—and I thought that was a hilarious and accurate description. If getting down your holiday mugs and putting up your Christmas lights on November 7th makes life a little bit brighter? Why the heck not.

2. Going to the indoor trampoline/adventure park with my toddler. My husband will often take Peter to the trampoline park on a weekend day, but last week, Peter and I went to a special “toddler time” they offered on a weekday morning. I can’t really explain why, but it brought me a lot of Mom Joy (I think that’s a really specific kind of joy) to see how much fun he was having, and to see the other moms who were there, too. It strangely made me feel a little less lonely.

3. Joining a romance book club with my little sister! I have wanted to join a book club for a long time, and this month we went to our first meeting of the Romance Book Club at our local library. It was lovely to connect with friendly people over shared interests, and very lovely to have a reason to get out of the house and hang out with my sister.

That’s all for this post. What goals are you tackling this month? What’s been bringing you joy? Leave a comment below—I love to hear from readers.

Thanks for reading.

Beth

Small Ways to Get Unstuck

It is 7:05 in the morning (not early for some, early these days, for me), and I am sitting down to write. For days, I have been telling myself that I would wake up early to have an hour of time to myself before the toddler woke up. Today is the first day I’m actually doing it. I am tired, doubtful, but also excited. Tired because sleep has been evading me lately, and my body isn’t used to this creative wake-up call. Doubtful because I don’t know what project to pick up during this precious, peaceful time. My mind tells me to journal, to try to dig deep into all the things I’ve been feeling and thinking lately. Then it tells me to read my Bible, because so many voices say that’s the only way to draw close to God (it’s not). Then my mind says to work on that novel that is almost complete—the first, dirty draft, at least. Then I think I should probably meditate, because aren’t we all supposed to be meditating?

The truth is, all of those things bring me some brand of joy and centeredness, but this morning, all I wanted to do was write a blog post. The soft click of keys satisfies.

I am thinking this morning about ways to get unstuck. I feel that personally, I have been in a somewhat “stuck” season for the better part of the last four years. Certainly there were seasons of clarity and forward movement, but at the risk of sounding melodramatic, the words I might use to describe the way I feel inside—not necessarily to describe what was happening outside—is one step forward, two steps back (cue the Springsteen song). When we are in a season like this, a season where we are successfully doing the stuff of daily life, but inside we may feel stagnant, what do we do to move forward? What do we do to, in a way, pull ourselves out of the eddy by our own bootstraps? I’m still figuring it out and experimenting, but here are a few things I’m going to try:

1. Change one small part of your daily routine. For me, right now, this means waking up earlier instead of waiting for the toddler to wander in and force me out of bed. This actually feels like a pretty big change, but all it really requires is setting the alarm and actually heeding it. I haven’t read this book, so forgive me if I’m butchering this concept, but apparently one of the big premises of the habits book Atomic Habits, by James Clear, is that by changing one thing, we can create a ripple affect for many things to shift. Maybe you’ll get up earlier, like me, or simply switch the order of your morning: Wash your face before you get a cup of coffee—though I personally wouldn’t recommend that one. Eat a different breakfast. Drive a different way to work. Listen to a different radio station. Listen only to silence. If we look for them, I think there are a thousand tiny ways we can add a small, crooked detour to our familiar grooves, and maybe that detour will wake our brains up, if even just a little.

2. Learn something new. For me, this is going to look like reading and listening more mindfully. I’m embarrassed to admit that I haven’t been reading very much lately. My nightstand is stacked with books that, at one time, I was so excited to read. I consider it a symptom of my ‘stuckness’ that I haven’t been gravitating towards reading. (Familiar is comforting, after all, and even though being stuck might not feel good, it can feel familiar—dangerous ground.) Granted, I don’t have a ton of time these days to sit down and read quietly, but I do have some time, and I definitely have pockets of time when I can listen to an audiobook while brushing my teeth or emptying the dishwasher. I can turn off the comfort podcast that I’ve listened to ten times already, and instead listen to a book. At night, before sleep, I can read two pages. If you’re already tearing your way through the library stacks, or if reading isn’t really your thing, maybe this ‘learn something new’ deal could look like taking an online course, or watching YouTube tutorials about knitting, or chess, or making fudge. Actually, those all sound like fun to me, too.

3. Write a list and set a timer. This last one isn’t sexy, but I do think it can be powerful. Often, when I’m feeling stuck, it’s because I’m actually avoiding doing things I know I need—or deeply want—to do. Now here’s the thing I’ve learned: The list cannot be long. In fact, it should really only be about three items long. Two would be better. Any longer, and I begin to fall inward with the weight of all there is to do and how little time there is to do it. What to put on the list? Well, I suppose it could be the task you’re putting off (write the check, make the appointment, mop the floor), but it can also be something that simply sounds enjoyable: Paint your nails. Listen to the new album straight through while building a giant block tower with the toddler. Watch the video about making fudge. Listen to the audiobook for 20 minutes. The timer piece? This is simply a technique I’ve found helpful when I just. can’t. get. moving. Things often don’t take nearly as long as we think they will. If you set a timer for 20 minutes and start doing the thing you know you need/want to do, chances are you’ll be done before the timer is up, you’ll be on a roll and keep going, or you’ll have at least created some forward momentum.

It’s now 7:53, and my quiet morning time is almost up. I’m curious to see how this slight change in routine will impact my mood for the rest of the day. I hope if you’re feeling stuck and you’re reading this, these ideas might help. And I hope you and I will both soon feel unstuck. And I hope we’ll also know, deep down, that living the stuff of daily life is important and heroic always. No matter what season we’re in.

Thanks for reading.

Beth

Blogging, Subbing, and A Season of Commitment: Fall Goals, 2024.

For the past year, I have enjoyed slightly changing the way I view goal setting. In the past, I’ve always enjoyed setting New Year’s intentions and writing long (and often outlandish) lists of things I’d like to accomplish. Becoming a mom quickly made me realize the power of Small Goals, and with those Small Goals came also a new way of dividing up my year. Instead of making a list of everything I’d like to do in the whole year, I now tend to think of life in seasons. Sometimes those seasons are familiar and rhythmic (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter), but other times they’re much more narrow and personal (say, my goals for this particular season when things are exciting but also decidedly hard).

September has floated right past me, but I’m still wanting to clarify a few personal hopes and dreams for the next two months of true fall. Last year, I named this my “Fall Bucket List,” but this year I fear my mood isn’t quite as whimsical. Instead, I’d like to focus on implementing some slow change—things that might help lift me into that whimsical place once again, and help me feel a bit more like myself.

1. Bring the blog back (again). Here’s the first post! I rarely know if anyone reads these words, but I enjoy writing them, and a life philosophy I need to tattoo on my brain is this: Creativity is Never Wasted. Creativity always begets more creativity, or problem solving, or insight, or excitement, or knowledge, or connection, or communion with God. But specifically: I’d love to write at least two blog posts each month.

2. Substitute teach in the school district. This school year, for the first time in over a decade, I have not gone back to teaching in some capacity. Making the decision to be a stay-at-home-mom for the foreseeable future was a really tough one, and as much as I love my son, I am beginning to realize that without some sort of work outside the home, I feel pretty bored. Maybe one day I’ll find the words to write about the guilt I feel over that, but for now, I’m going to focus on immediate solutions. Substitute teaching is not an easy gig, but it’s one that will hopefully keep me somewhat in the education loop, so that when I’m ready to go back full-time, those hallways and teenagers won’t scare me too much. I’m hoping to sub at least once a week to begin.

3. Commit. This last goal is decidedly not as concrete as the last two, but it encompasses the last two, among other things. I am not a patient person. I am someone who wants clarity and answers immediately. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Certainly not in a few months or even years. And yet, the lesson that Life seems to be repeatedly handing me these past four years is this one: You have to wait, sometimes, to know. You have to wait, sometimes, for things to improve. Sometimes, the only answer is to commit to the actions that will move the needle forward, inch by inch, day by day. If I’m always giving up on my commitments because they feel like they’re taking too long to bear fruit, then I’ll never—ever—see any fruit at all. Why is this so hard to learn? So my final Fall Goal is this: To keep going each day, even when it is hard to keep going, even when it seems like my actions aren’t having any impact, because sometimes, it’s really about giving it time. Always simple. Never easy.

Do you have any Fall Goals? If you’re reading, thank you, and I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below.

Beth