What Do You REALLY Want To Do?

Here’s a question for you to take into this week:

What do you REALLY want to do?

So much of the time, I find myself doing the things I think I should do. Making choices because I think I’ll be a better person if I choose that way. Stopping myself or starting myself according to what I imagine others want from me, or how they want me to be.

And the thing is, it’s incredibly addicting, this “should be doing” life. If you’re anything like me, you spend a LOT of time wondering what you can do to improve yourself. It’s the life of a self-help addict. It didn’t really start for me until I was in my late twenties, and a bad breakup steered me in the direction of some intense self-evaluation.

This season of my life was fruitful in many ways; I truly am grateful for all those self-help books I read and podcasts I devoured and programs I enrolled in. They helped me see certain unhealthy patterns and helped me find new ground to walk on, steady ground.

They also made me a little obsessed. Obsessed with constantly ‘bettering’ myself. As if one day, on some distant horizon, I’d wake up to discover that I was the “perfect” version of myself.

Even now, when I can intellectually tell you that perfection is a myth, I still find myself looking for the perfect morning routine, with the right amount of prayer or stillness or creativity or movement.

Can I tell you what I really want to do during my precious morning hour?

I want to read the novel I’m engrossed in. I don’t really want to dive into the Old Testament.

I want to open my laptop and work on the young adult novel I’m writing. I don’t really want to analyze myself or my dream in my journal.

I want to write a blog post and tell you about it on social media. I don’t really want to pretend that I don’t get a rush from writing a blog post all about me and posting about it on social media.

I don’t want hot water with lemon or celery juice. I want coffee with lots of cream.

I don’t want to meditate. I want to take three full breaths a dozen times each day and see that God has always been with me. It just takes a simple slowing down.

(Now, let me just say: If what you want to do is only eat fast food or punch your colleague in the face or buy that thing you can’t afford—I don’t think you should do those things. And when you really ask yourself, is that really what you want to do?)

This question and it’s answer is not about getting lazy or irresponsible or unhealthy or unkind. I wholeheartedly really want to be hardworking and patient and deeply loving. I will keep doing good things.

I suppose what this question is truly about is this: When do you feel God’s pleasure?

I first stumbled across this idea when listening to Candace Cameron Bure’s book, Kind is the New Classy. In the book she references a line from the movie Chariots of Fire. One of the main characters, a long-distance runner, is asked: “Why do you run?”

He replies: “Because when I run, I feel God’s pleasure.”

How about that?

This is a question for you, if you’re in need of this reminder: You are already just great.

Even if you don’t read your Bible today.

Even if you don’t dig deep into your psyche to uncover your core wounds.

Even if you don’t do yoga or meditate or only eat liquified vegetables.

The thing I’m beginning to wonder, is if God actually really wants me to do the things I really want to do. God wants to meet me in my joy.

What do I really want to do?

I want to do the things that make me feel God’s pleasure.

Maybe He’s rooting for that.

Thanks for reading.

Beth